


Mark Zero

by enkiduu



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 14:09:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19133638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enkiduu/pseuds/enkiduu
Summary: Tony wears his lack of soulmark with pride.





	Mark Zero

Tony wears his lack of soulmark with pride. He shows the entire world a sliver of his brilliance (they couldn’t handle more), lets them see how brightly he shines despite having no markings on his wrists. He dares others to question his abilities, and laughs at the world when he proves it wrong, every single time. He mocks them for their belief that only people with marks are ever good enough to succeed.

“People without marks are expendable,” they say. “Weak. Heartless.”

And the world watches, enraptured, because no one has quite flown so high. They all wait for him to fall, of course. Many actively try to shoot him down because they can’t bear someone markless like Tony Stark carving the path to the future. Everybody expects him to fail, telling him he’s worthless, unstable, just lucky to inherit a fortune from his oh-so-generous (ha) father. They tell him he’s undeserving of everything _he’s_ built.

(Only for himself, because he is greedy and selfish. He’s certainly not going to build anything for the world that has given him nothing, obviously, and the world is envious and angry. But, eventually, they have nothing they can say in front of him but praise, can only be drawn in by Tony’s magnetism and watch him show his bare, unmarked wrists.)

But Tony has never met people’s expectations, he sure as hell won’t start now.

(Nobody ever asks Tony why he doesn’t have a soulmark. Everybody _tells_ him why.)

There’s a reason for the pain in his chest when Tony sees Steve looking at him sometimes, expression laden with disappointment and regret and tension. All Tony can think is _you don’t have the right to be disappointed._ He says as much, too—he laughs and says derisively, “What are you, Cap, my father?” and Steve just averts his gaze, stricken and guilty, like he doesn’t want to fight, and Tony just… can’t believe that.

The worst part about the sometimes is that—it’s only sometimes. After they work together a few times, Tony appears to have proven himself. Or whatever. The precious times when they aren’t fighting, Tony delights in making Steve smile and laugh. When Steve isn’t the perfect super soldier, when Steve ( _Tony_ ) lets his guard down, he makes Tony feel warm and accomplished and like he doesn’t have to fight.

It’s because Steve looks at him so softly sometimes that Tony wants to break apart and let Steve hold him.

There’s a reason for Tony’s need to keep fighting, need to keep Steve away from him. It has nothing to do with desire.

 

***

He never tells anybody what happens in Afghanistan.

_Tony Stark. Expendable to the ones who sold you out. Nobody is really on your side._

He gives Obie the benefit of the doubt, because as much as he thinks he can’t believe or trust others, he really does want to.

But no one seems to trust him, and he can’t decide if that’s worse than if someone did.

_I tried for you, I did. But all empires have their fall, and you were never a righteous emperor, Tony. You don’t have a soulmate. People with nothing want everything, and now you’re going to die alone because you’re too greedy and selfish._

After Obie, he won’t.

 

***

Tony always says something flippant as the world crumbles around them. He’s used to dancing on the brink of death. Thor asks if he is courting destruction and teasing Death, and Tony just laughs.

“You could’ve _died,_ Tony. That was reckless. Why do you do this?” Steve asks again, and Tony gets a little more scared every single time, doesn’t understand why Steve forgives what Tony seems to do every single time.

And Tony won’t die, because he can’t bear the thought of Steve not forgiving him. He just rolls his eyes and says, “I’m just as much a destroyer as I am a creator, Steve. How do you think I’m so successful?”

“Are you?” Steve asks quietly. He’s touching his wrist, where the metal band to cover his soulmark is. It’s a bright red, part of the Captain America suit. Tony’s eyes follow the movement before they flicker back up to meet those deep blue eyes.

It takes all of Tony to bite his tongue hard and not ask desperately, _which part?_ What does Tony have to say or do for Steve to get it, to get that Tony isn’t worth the effort?

“You don’t have to prove anything,” Steve says.

Tony smiles. He tastes blood in his mouth. “Don’t I?” he asks, and is grateful that it’s time for the debrief so he doesn’t have to hear Steve answer.

 

***

Tony doesn’t know how to stop fighting. But apparently Steve doesn’t know how to hate him or give up, damn that idiot, why can’t he take lessons from the rest of the world?

  

***

Steve has his moments when he approves and tells Tony how proud he is, and Tony can’t take it because he’s the only one to say that without the subtext of _for someone without a soulmark._ He says it because he is proud, and… no one has actually ever said that to Tony.

(Nobody thinks he needs to hear it, they think he’s too proud already, they don’t realize all Tony does everyday is wear his shame with pride.)

He wants Steve to call his bluff. In the end, he is greedy and selfish, and Tony Stark is a coward when it comes to emotions, Pepper can attest to that. It’s not a miscalculation that Tony lets Steve see more than he should, it’s just pure desire to be seen. So he bluffs, hides behind nothing and everything. He grins through lies even as he aches to touch Steve.

He doesn’t. He’s always wearing the suit, and he has no need to touch Captain America—who isn’t his. He refuses to be owned, because he’s had enough of being thrown away.

(Everything Tony has touched he has destroyed, and he wants to touch Steve so, so much. How can Tony dare?)

He smiles at Steve and dares him to ask why, and Steve does. He asks every damn time, seems to really want to hear the answer, and Steve won’t give up, no matter how much he should.

Why won’t he give up?

Why won’t he ask the one question that matters?

It’s because Steve doesn’t want to fight, and Tony… has no idea what to do with that (except he does: he keeps antagonizing Steve in hopes Steve will hate him, because hate, hate is a lot easier than love).

  

***

When Tony is ten, his mark manifests just like ninety percent of the population. His is a beautiful and shockingly _familiar_ splash of blue and red and white. There’s no mistaking it.

It’s _the_ shield.

Tony’s first reaction is to laugh, because _of course_ , isn’t that just great?

For awhile, he hides it from his father. Not that it’s hard, since Howard’s not exactly there much. And no—he’s not _scared_. There’s a vindictive, petty pleasure that comes from how all his life, he’s heard stories about Captain America, seen the way Howard’s eyes shine with sorrow.

And in the end, Tony is the one with Captain America’s soulmark on him.

This kind of shit doesn’t happen—except apparently it does. Tony’s soulmate is someone long dead.

“It’s really fucking hilarious, Dad,” Tony laughs when Howard is back from his trip and finally asks, in the most bored tone, what Tony’s mark is.

“Don’t waste my time. Show me your wrist, kid.” Howard, previously uninterested in Tony’s soulmate (uninterested in Tony, period), is wary of Tony’s reaction. He grabs Tony’s left hand, eyes narrowed.

Next thing Tony knows, his ears are ringing.

“That’s _impossible_ ,” Howard says angrily. Tony has never seen his father so furious, eyes bright with something Tony can’t decipher, and doesn’t particularly want to. “Steve doesn’t deserve a little _shit_ like you.”

Tony is scared and indignant and so unbelievably hurt that this is the most attention his father’s shown him, his entire life, and it’s because of some stupid soulmate shit he has no control over. Why is he being blamed for this? Howard is the one who failed to find Steve, and Tony… well. He’ll never be able to find out what it’s really like to have a soulmate.

If he has no control over this soulmate shit, neither does Howard. “But he’s _mine,_ not yours,” Tony says with a sneer, then bites his tongue but it’s too late. He never could shut up, he’ll have to learn to shut up when it matters.

Howard’s expression ices over. “You can’t even do this one thing right,” he spits. “He’s dead. And who in their right mind would trust someone with a dead soulmate?” He stares at Tony like Tony’s a business competitor, an enemy… like he’s nothing. “I should disinherit you.”

He says it so coldly that Tony realizes he really means it, is seriously considering it. His father is going to throw him away because he’s of no use to him or to Stark Industries anymore. People without living soulmates aren’t stable, aren’t reliable, aren’t worth the time or faith.

...So what?

Howard has never given him either time or faith, anyway. Tony had never asked to be born into this broken family, but the threat terrifies him anyway because he still has always considered his family family, and this would hurt his mom so bad.

“Do it,” Tony says wildly. He doesn’t beg. Begging doesn’t do anything. When you ask for something, people will know you value it, will dangle it in front of you and take advantage of your weakness. He thinks of Howard Stark asking for Captain America to come back.

That doesn’t work, and Tony won’t make the same exact mistake of waiting. After all, Tony has never had Steve Rogers in the first place, there’s nothing to wait for.

Desire makes you vulnerable. Need destroys people. Tony won’t let himself need anything or anyone else.

“Can you really do that to Steve Rogers’ soulmate?” Tony asks.

Howard seethes. He slams the door shut behind him when he leaves.

Tony doesn’t ask his dad to stay. In fact, he moves out. He doesn’t wait to be kicked out. It’s all about initiative, isn’t it?

In the end, he’s not sure what convinces Howard to not disown him. Was it his mother? His pride and reputation? Some part of Tony hopes it was just his father giving him a test… but he doesn’t think Howard would bother with that.

(Maybe it’s thanks to Steve Rogers, protecting Tony in some messed up way from his grave. Thanks, Steve.)

The thing is, society is distrustful as a whole because it isn’t whole, and it’s easier when one group is at fault. People without soulmates are easy to damn.

Captain America had ruined his childhood enough already, now he has to go and ruin the rest of his life, too.

“Great,” Tony says. “Thanks for having such a recognizable mark.”

Tony briefly considers using the mark to garner sympathy and support. The world recognizes Captain America. His soulmate must, then, be in the public’s favor.

In the end, Tony’s not sure what convinces himself to not manipulate the world using Captain America.

Maybe it’s because he’s still sentimental, after all, and can’t bear to do something like that to the one he, despite all reason and logic, loves. Not that he has anybody to confide that in, and Steve will never know.

Tony sighs and presses his lips to his wrist, wonders what a kiss from Steve would’ve been like. Maybe in another life.

It’s kinda funny, isn’t it? Being disowned would’ve been better. Then Tony wouldn’t have to inherit Steve’s death from Howard, too.

Well. Tony won’t let this fate shit get in his way.

His soulmate is dead. He gets it. He’s fine. After all, he’s Tony Stark, he doesn’t actually need anyone.

 

***

His father doesn’t treat him any better, no matter how well Tony does. Tony thinks it’s just to prove a point. It’s always about proving a point. Behind closed doors, it doesn’t matter what Tony accomplishes. Doesn’t mean shit.

“Good job, Tony,” he laughs at himself in the emptiness of the house, doesn’t know why he was waiting for congratulations from anybody. He can’t stop looking at the blue and red and white. “You did it. I’m proud of you, Tony. Youngest graduate ever, genius of the era.” He closes his eyes and tries to imagine Steve saying that, feels his heart crushed under the weight of what he’ll never have.

He doesn’t indulge in those kind of fantasies again.

 

***

When JARVIS updates him on the status of Steve Rogers, Tony turns away and doesn’t contact him.

It’s too late, now.

 

***

They meet anyway. Steve finds him, apparently because he knew Howard and Fury thought it would be a good idea for them to meet.

Tony can’t say no now that Steve’s downstairs, so he lets him up and stares at him and thinks about how all this time (all his fucking life) he thought Steve Rogers was dead, and Tony never even had the right to mourn because Steve Rogers wasn’t his, he was always Captain America, hero to the _damned_ country.

And here they are now.

There is a lot Tony doesn’t say on their first meeting, and all the subsequent ones.

“I wanted you to save me. I still do,” he doesn’t say, because he finds out how good a person Captain America is. He knows that, if he asks it of him, Cap will try, and when he inevitably fails, he’ll blame himself. No point in that.

“Hi, soulmate,” he doesn’t say. He pointedly ignores Steve’s outstretched hand each time and makes sure his bare wrists are visible, and he always dies a little seeing Steve’s eyes go cold.

Instead of baring his heart (who had ever said he had one?), Tony says, “Okay, I got business to do. Chop chop, was nice meeting you. Jarv will show you the way out.”

Steve looks stricken. He doesn’t look like Captain America, the hero, or even the soldier. He looks exhausted, pain etched in his clear blue eyes. Part of Tony thinks, _goodgoodgood_ , even as the other half dies inside when Steve says, later, “Take away that suit of armor, what are you?”

It’s hard because Steve Rogers really is a good man. Tony digs deep and pokes at his buttons and wants Steve to finally _snap_. He imagines Steve finally losing patience and dropping the good guy act, imagines being violently pushed against a wall, and then Tony can forget this desire to impress. Maybe then, he can lose the happiness that comes with making Steve smile.

“I don’t trust a guy without a dark side,” Tony says. That’s… a lie, but not quite what Steve expects, he thinks. He does trust Steve, alarmingly so. He just doesn’t get what makes Steve have him as a soulmate. Tony’s not going to catch him, he’s going to drag him down further, and he thinks he wouldn’t care either way.

 

***

Steve blinks, eyes fluttering open. He sees Tony sitting at his bed.

“Rise and shine, Steve,” Tony says, visibly relieved. His voice sounds hoarse and he looks like he hasn’t slept in even longer than usual. “You’re awake. How was your beauty sleep?”

“Good,” Steve says. “How long has it been?”

Tony shrugs. “I don’t know. I wasn’t counting,” he says lightly.

Steve lets that one go, because he has more important things to say. “Please don’t tell me you’ve been sitting here the entire time,” he says.

“Well, no,” Tony says. “They wouldn’t let me stay the whole time, something about procedures, blah blah blah. Fury wasn’t very happy.” His expression darkens. “Neither am I. What the hell were you doing?”

“Saving your life,” Steve says.

“You were going to die! That amount of force, even some blond superhero of science like you can’t take it. Why did you do it?”

Steve arches an eyebrow, laughing a little at the role reversal. “You’re asking me why?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t you already know?” Steve asks, sobering. he watches Tony clench his jaw. “ _Tony_.” He’s afraid if he lets this go now, again, Tony will keep hiding this forever, bury it so deep Steve will never be able to find Tony again. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You gotta be more specific, Cap, I’m not psychic—”

“Tell me we’re not soulmates.”

Tony falters, then resumes. “I’m sorry you don’t have control over it, Steve,” he says. “Nobody has a choice, I know. But you don’t have to go risking your life for me like that. Seriously. It’s cool.”

“No, it’s—” Steve sighs, softening his tone. “I don’t blame you if you don’t want me. I’m not very good for you, and I know we don’t have the most civil of relationships.”

“No,” Tony says quickly. “That’s not…”

Steve nods. “Yeah. I figured that out. Your attitude is somehow both better and worse around me,” he says gently, without reproach. “I used to think you got rid of the mark because you didn’t want a soulmate in general, and rejected me because you didn’t want me, or that it was a one-sided bond. But that’s not the case, is it? It’s not one-sided. That’s why you stay away and haven’t even asked to see my mark, even though you’re always so curious.”

Tony is silent. Always so stubbornly fighting himself.

Steve shows Tony his wrist. Tony can’t look away from the mark of the arc reactor, the glowing, beautiful mark that Steve has always cherished. Always. “I don’t need you to have a mark,” Steve says. “I don’t need myself to have a mark. I love you. Mark or no mark, in this universe or the next, I know I’d always have found you.” He smiles fondly. “You’re not the most discreet man. You’ve had my attention since day one.”

Tony reaches out slowly, tracing Steve’s mark with a finger. “It’s why SHIELD trusted me to be on the team,” Tony says shakily. “They didn’t say it, but that’s why. They rejected me until you woke up.” He drags his eyes up, tears in his eyes. “I guess you deserve to know why, right?”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Steve says, feeling a pang in his chest. “It’s okay.”

Tony shakes his head. “I need to say it, anyway. It was removed because my dad was afraid I would use it and ruin your legacy. I don’t think I would have,” he adds with a sudden fierceness, a sudden vulnerability, eyes bright. “I wouldn’t ever use this connection against you. Or anything against you.”

“Tony. Of course you won’t,” he says simply, tightening his grip on Tony. Steve’s heart hurts as he thinks of everything Tony’s been through. God. “Stop being so damn selfless for once. You don’t owe the world a thing. You don’t owe me anything, it’s not about debt. I trust you. I—I value you, you are very important to me. I really do love you. So you can drop the masks and stop trying to make me hate you. We don’t have to do that. You don’t need to prove a point.” He presses his lips on Tony’s wrist softly. 

Tony mutters something that sounds suspiciously like _what the fuck is wrong with you_ , but he’s grinning and happy and laughing. “Yeah?” he asks, and leans in to kiss Steve, sweetly and carefully like someone who’s afraid Steve is a ghost.

“You have me,” Steve says, deepening the kiss and showing Tony that he is definitely not a ghost and isn’t going anywhere, not without Tony.

  



End file.
